oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
