isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
