can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
