I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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