You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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