Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
two words: eviction party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
