any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
