Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
