her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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