You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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