Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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