you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
