haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
