just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
