I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
