You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
