Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
