1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
