I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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