Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
