I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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