All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
