South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
