If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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