HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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