i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
