idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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