If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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