Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
