Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
