I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
