I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
