Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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