wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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