If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
