I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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