and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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