I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A bitchslap is in order.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
