She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
