I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
