I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
