Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
