Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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