Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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