Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
