And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i out mim tonsoeep
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
