i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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