were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
