its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
