yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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