Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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