I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
