i don't like sucking hair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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