i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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