Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
