I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
