Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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