I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
