Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
