i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
