So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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