I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
