hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
