I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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