thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
