I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
please don't ironically join a cult
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