i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
