is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
