I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
