bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
