just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
