Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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