I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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