God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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