I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
