i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
