I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
