Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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